Why did I ever stop writing? It’s a question that has been swarming my mind lately. Writing is something that I have always loved for as long as I can remember, even as a child. In elementary school I was writing seven page stories when the rest of the class was struggling to write a page or two, if I can recall, it was in third or fourth grade. It’s something that I have always used as a tool to express myself, whether it be my thoughts, feelings, or my imagination. I think I stopped shortly after my dad passed away. For a while I still wrote, but after he died was when I stopped writing.
I was just telling my husband last night that I had a journal that I wrote in every single day, from age ten to age sixteen. It was a hard cover black beauty journal given to me by my neighbor, Kathy. In it I wrote about how I met my dad (he wasn’t my biological father, but my step father), I had written about my parents getting married, happy moments in my childhood, and moments when I was upset with my parents. I lost six years of writing.
I have lost even more years of writing by stopping. I honestly wish that I had written in a journal during my pregnancies, during my daughters precious first years, same with my son’s. I’m sad because now, a lot of those memories are already fading from my mind. At least I have pictures to look back on, however, I wish I had more than just pictures. I wish I had documented things. I guess it’s better late than never. I am mad at myself for not doing this sooner, but, as I said, it’s better late than never. I am starting to feel a lot better mentally, from writing, and am starting to look forward to doing it everyday. 🙂
Today was a relatively relaxing day. I took this week off from work to spend with Gabriella for her midwinter break. I am treasuring this time, in fact, I really don’t want to go back to work, I am not looking forward to it at all. I never thought I would say this, but I do miss being a stay at home mom, as difficult as it is at times! We had breakfast together this morning, and from there went to go see my best friend Holly’s new apartment. After this we went to Barnes and Noble book store. I got each of the kids a treat and we browsed the books, and toys. I bought myself a Tarot deck with a guidebook as this is something I am interested in studying.
We came home and played a while before straightening the apartment and having dinner. I laid down with Gabby and caressed her back and talked to her until she fell asleep. We were having a conversation tonight about magic. She told me that she wished magic was real in this world. I told her that in a way, magic is real. In my opinion, science is pretty magical, and so is life. I explained that watching a flower bloom is magical. Sunsets and sunrises are magical. There is a ton of wonder and magic in our natural world. She then went on to talk about how she wishes that when she dies she can become a ghost and float around and live forever. I told her that I believe our energies just leave our bodies when we die and transfer elsewhere, but I just don’t know where. It’s interesting having these talks with her.
I was raised Christian/Catholic, and really have no religious affiliation now. I was taught about heaven and hell, and know all of the stories in the bible. After finally having the courage to question my own thoughts and beliefs, and research, I came to the conclusion that Christianity just wasn’t for me. I am a woman of science, and logic. Organized religion isn’t something I teach my children. I want them to learn that it’s okay to think for themselves and ask questions and to not be afraid of that. Sometimes is hard and scary navigating parenting without religion because of how I was raised, but I am doing the best I can. I am glad that my daughter is asking questions and thinking about things on her own without fear of going to hell. It’s fascinating hearing what a young mind will come up with when it isn’t being tainted by outside influences. Yes, in case you are wondering I teach my children right from wrong, good from bad, and that there are consequences to their actions and decisions, it’s just not based on religion.
Went a little off topic there with the topic of religion. It was great listening to her. She eventually fell asleep with her little arm wrapped around my neck. I slipped out of her room, and here I am! Doing a bit of writing before bed. Until tomorrow. Good night everyone. 🙂
Another coffee, Please. 