March 20, 2017: Overdue journal entry, and the first day of Spring

Today, is the first day of Spring, and I welcome it with open arms.  I am beyond ready for the sunshine, fresh start, and new beginnings.

It’s been awhile since I have done a journal entry, about two weeks to be exact. A lot has been happening and going on in my life.

The week before last was a rough week for me, mentally. I was in a really bad place, and needed to seek out help. Battling with depression can really feel like an uphill battle. I want to get into this in an entirely different post, and I will. I had a huge mental breakdown on Saturday, March 9th. It was the worst mental breakdown I have had since my dad passed away. Yes, it was that bad. I literally laid in bed all day. I slept for most of the day, and cried for the other part of the day. I felt like giving up… after that day, I decided that I never, ever wanted to feel that way ever again. There are a few factors that contributed to Saturday. I don’t know how comfortable I feel about going into detail about them online. But that whole week I felt unmotivated, completely down most of the week, and just felt… gone.

I decided to seek out help. I contacted my old counseling place, and they just suggested therapy, which I really don’t have time for. I know this sounds horrible, but they are only open on the days I am working. I can’t afford to take any time off. They were really no help. I contacted my primary care doctor, and she did some blood work on me

As it just so happens, I am incredibly vitamin D deficient I found this out last Friday. She wants me to be on vitamin D3 supplements for three months and then come back. If I am still suffering from depression, she will refer me to a psychologist, or put me on medication. However, she informed me that she wanted medication to be a last resort, which I completely agree with.

Taking medication really freaks me out because of the side effects. Again, I will get more in-depth with this on a separate post on mental health.

I started taking vitamin D3 supplements on Friday, and honestly, I am already feeling quite a difference in how I am feeling. I feel a lot more present, and a lot less sad. I am hopeful that this will at least alleviate some of what I am experiencing. I want to deal with this in the most natural way possible. I started exercising regularly, which has helped my mood a lot.

Right now, I feel a little lost, and hoping to find a direction on where I want to go in life. I feel like I don’t have it together as much as I should, considering I have two children!

Juan started tearing apart the apartment, which is really annoying. I can’t stand his method of reorganizing. Instead of tackling one area at a time, he attempts to do the entire thing at once, randomly pulling shit out of the cupboards and cabinets leaving them out until he ‘gets to them’. I am attempting to help him when I am not working, but it’s hard to balance everything out. We are on separate schedules as well. He takes my daughter to school and drops her off. He takes care of our son during the day, and works at night. This is taking it’s toll on him, and as a result, taking a toll on us. We aren’t really on the same page. I am hoping we can get there.

The kids are doing well, I am trying to balance everything and still manage to make time for them. Quality time, thankfully I have made a schedule this last week and have been sticking to it pretty stringently which has helped me tremendously with my time management. However, my husband tearing our apartment apart has hindered that schedule a bit. We want to live a more minimalist lifestyle which I am all for doing. Again, I just absolutely LOATHE his organizing tactics… ahhh well. Hopefully this will be done by the end of the week.

Right now, I am going to sit down and write out some goals. I want to come up with an idea of where I want to be five years from now, and what I need to do to get to where I want and need to be. That is a short run down of what has been going on with me recently, nothing too exciting. I am going to visit a childcare facility on my way home from work, fingers crossed that we will be able to utilize it for Juanito and get back on the same schedule.

Until next time!

Author: Kelly Christine

My name is Kelly Flores, obviously. Former Soldier, currently working for the government and pursuing my creative hobbies. This blog is a variety blog, with the no particular primary focus yet, so I hope those who read it will take as much pleasure in reading it as I have taken in writing it. I am a recovering coffee addict, so the blog is titled appropriately. ;)

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