It was unnecessary, but I had a massive cheat day today. I mean, I ate BBQ for lunch, had three super delicious cupcakes, and I had some hot Cheetos just a few minutes ago. I know I didn’t need all of the food, but food is my drug of choice. I am addicted to it. I obsess over it, it’s my drug, which is exactly why I am doing this. I am ready to quit my bad habit. Today was my last and final binge.
I want to improve my relationship with food. I don’t want to use it as a tool for coping with emotions, I want to use it for what it’s designed for, to nourish my body. I need to take better care of myself.
If there is one thing I have learned, its that self love is a verb. I have been abusing my body by feeding it too much food, and too much junk food. It’s really hard to admit this, but it’s the truth. I eat when I’m happy, sad, bored, and sometimes I even blackout and eat like a zombie. It’s so hard to explain, but I literally don’t think about what I’m eating or how much of it I am eating. When I am eating it I just focus on how good it tastes in my mouth, how good the food is making me feel in that moment. I know that this is incredibly bad and unhealthy, but I think that being honest with myself about this behavior will help me to overcome it.
I don’t want to beat myself up, I just want to challenge myself, in mind and body. I want to get healthy before I am thirty. I want to take better care of myself, especially to set that example for my children.
Well, I am off to bed now, just wanted to share some thoughts and feelings I was having about this whole thing. One thing I have realized is that I have never really given this my best effort. I always say I will, but I don’t commit. This time I want it to be different. I feel like I am mentally ready to commit to my health, and to put in my one hundred percent best effort. I always try for about a week, and then give up after that. Not this time. I have to keep moving and regain my self discipline. That being said, I am going to be going to sleep now so that I can get up early and take my ass to the gym. Good night!