Today I had my last binge.

It was unnecessary, but I had a massive cheat day today.  I mean, I ate BBQ for lunch, had three super delicious cupcakes, and I had some hot Cheetos just a few minutes ago.  I know I didn’t need all of the food, but food is my drug of choice.  I am addicted to it.  I obsess over it, it’s my drug, which is exactly why I am doing this.  I am ready to quit my bad habit.  Today was my last and final binge.

I want to improve my relationship with food.  I don’t want to use it as a tool for coping with emotions, I want to use it for what it’s designed for, to nourish my body.  I need to take better care of myself.

If there is one thing I have learned, its that self love is a verb.  I have been abusing my body by feeding it too much food, and too much junk food.  It’s really hard to admit this, but it’s the truth.  I eat when I’m happy, sad, bored, and sometimes I even blackout and eat like a zombie.  It’s so hard to explain, but I literally don’t think about what I’m eating or how much of it I am eating.  When I am eating it I just focus on how good it tastes in my mouth, how good the food is making me feel in that moment.  I know that this is incredibly bad and unhealthy, but I think that being honest with myself about this behavior will help me to overcome it.

I don’t want to beat myself up, I just want to challenge myself, in mind and body.  I want to get healthy before I am thirty.  I want to take better care of myself, especially to set that example for my children.

Well, I am off to bed now, just wanted to share some thoughts and feelings I was having about this whole thing.  One thing I have realized is that I have never really given this my best effort.  I always say I will,  but I don’t commit.  This time I want it to be different.  I feel like I am mentally ready to commit to my health, and to put in my one hundred percent best effort.  I always try for about a week, and then give up after that.  Not this time.  I have to keep moving and regain my self discipline.  That being said, I am going to be going to sleep now so that I can get up early and take my ass to the gym.  Good night!

 

Author: Kelly Christine

My name is Kelly Flores, obviously. Former Soldier, currently working for the government and pursuing my creative hobbies. This blog is a variety blog, with the no particular primary focus yet, so I hope those who read it will take as much pleasure in reading it as I have taken in writing it. I am a recovering coffee addict, so the blog is titled appropriately. ;)

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